A boy without words
by Tinkabelle21
Summary: Jordan’s view on a few things, but mainly, as always, about the girl.


My "My so called life." Season two. JVO, duh, is Jordan's voice over for the episode. He's not very eloquent but bare with him. After the end of the show, I always wished it had continued. This is just something short and sweet I wrote a long time ago for season two. It's a bit of wish full thinking's.  
  
Disclaimer: Off course, I own nothing.  
  
Betrayal's forms  
  
JVO "My name is Jordan. Jordan Catillano. And there's this girl." Flashes of Angela, in the corridors, kissing Angela. "Like, this. girl."  
  
Scene change. Jordan's house.  
  
"Mum, I'm leaving." Jordan's mum waves a distracted hand from where she sits watching the TV. The house is dark, forlorn almost. He stands at the bottom of some dark stairs. He walks through the kitchen, which is clean because no one eats there. He turns to go.  
  
JVO "Its like. everything was really easy, you know? And I could deal with life. I could get through school, and I could bloke out mum, and I could, well, like live. But now, I can't. I have this need. For her." Jordan pulls his car up at school and Angela's there. On the steps. She looks over her shoulder, as though debating to come and talk to him.  
  
She slides into the passenger seat, and stares at him. He looks straight ahead, as though there are words written on the windscreen. She sighs with annoyance.  
  
JVO "I just, can't speak. When she's around. She makes me like, deaf or something."  
  
"I know you didn't write the letter." She says, running her hand awkwardly through her hair.  
  
"Oh." He says and still doesn't look at her. She sighs again.  
  
JVO "I know. There is something else I should say."  
  
"Aren't you even, I don't know, going to defend what you did? Explain it? Do you even know why it's wrong?" Angela shakes her head softly, and her eyes are swollen.  
  
JVO "When she gets upset, her lower lip like trembles. As though it has all this emotion that just can't stay in her. mouth."  
  
"I." Jordan shrugs, and grimaces again. He doesn't say anything. She nods, and turns. She stops and looks back, over at him.  
  
"You know, I wouldn't have cared, how good the letter was. You could have just told me how you felt or something. It didn't have to be poetry." She paused, waiting for Jordan to react. "Did you even care? Ever?" When he doesn't reply, she gets out of the car. His head falls back against the headpiece of the seat.  
  
JVO "That's the thing. It couldn't ever have been poetry. That's what she doesn't get."  
  
In the girls bathrooms.  
  
"So?" Rayanne asks, leaning in and peering at Sharon in the mirror.  
  
"So what?" Sharon replies, looking up from her glossed lips. Rayanne swaps the shoulder her bag is on. She looks slightly uncomfortable.  
  
"Like, what's going on with Angela and, you know," Rayanne leaves a pause. Sharon just raises her eyes, forcing her to finish the sentence. "You know, Catillano. Its not like I care or anything. I just, wanna know." Sharon looks back at the mirror and purses her lips.  
  
"Look, the thing is." Sharon trails of.  
  
"What, what's the thing? Your like Angela's friend right, you know what's happening? Cuz I figure." Rayanne shrugs her shoulders again, making another attempt to seem casual. "Like if she's not after Jordan anymore, she's not gunna be mad at me right?" Sharon doesn't reply again. "What? That's just how I see it right, that's right, isn't it." Finally Sharon turns to Rayanne and says, with one hand on her hip.  
  
"It was never about Jordan. Like, don't you see Rayanne?" Sharon tilts her head and Rayanne copies her. She laughs slightly and bends her head towards Sharon.  
  
"See what?"  
  
"She's not angry because of Jordan. She's angry because you betrayed her."  
  
"Betrayed! I didn't betray her."  
  
"Yeah, you did. You don't even seem to be sorry or anything." Sharon turned to go, and when she reached the door she turned and added. "I may not be Angela's best friend anymore, but I do know something about friendship. You messed up. You broke like," She paused, waving her hands. Rayanne followed the movement in an attempt at comprehension. Sharon put her hands on her hips. "Like a friendship code. She can't just forget about it when she forgets about Catillano. Its not that simple."  
  
"What's not that simple?" Rayanne asks the mirror, and frowns.  
  
In the corridors at school  
  
"So like, what do I say to her when I see her?" Brian asks Rickie. The gay boy shrugs, and peers deeper into his locker. "Like, do I say something like what I said in the letter, about how my life is like revolved around her and every little thing she does is like so important that it changes my life profoundly. That I can't stop thinking about her whenever I am, and I like I spent all my time at school trying to get a glimpse of her or I'll sit in my room and watch her through my telescope."  
  
"You have a telescope?" Rickie interrupts.  
  
"That's not the point. So, do I tell her all these things? Or do I just say like something really boring, like. Hi." Krakow stops, as though that one word had sent him of on another spiel of thought. He turns to Rickie and asked.  
  
"So, what? What should I say?" Rickie slams his locker shut. He opens his mouth to speak but then thought the better of it. He thumps Brian lightly on the back.  
  
"You seem to have it all worked out. I think I am late for English."  
  
Brian stands thinking for a second.  
  
"What if she just like, pretends it didn't happen?" He looks shell-shocked and turns away from the camera.  
  
In English Class  
  
JVO "The first time I am ever like early for class, and she's not there. Its like, Ironic or something." Jordan smiles to himself slowly. The teacher at the front is talking. She is holding in her hand a book. Jordan squints at the words, and then looks down at the same book, which is in his hand.  
  
Angela comes into class, late. No one comments and the teacher only sighs. She won't yell, because she knows for Angela it's a one off thing. Angela sits in the second row, and slumps over as though she is intent on listening to what the teacher says. Her face is slightly contorted with inner monologue that we can't hear. She runs a hand through her hair, and casually looks her shoulder. Into Jordan's eyes. She turns back to face the front and her eyes are wide.  
  
AVO "Oh my god. Why is it like this?" She looks over her shoulder again, once more, tempting fate. "For so long, I've been watching Jordan Catillano. But now, I can't even look at him without like. seeing him. Like now, I see all the bad stuff he's done, not just him."  
  
"MacBeth. It's a story about. what? Um," The teacher scans the class, picking a name. "Jordan?"  
  
AVO "Jordan Catillano. Why can't I call him by just his first name? Jordan. Maybe cause then he might, well, might just be ordinary" Jordan wakes up from a daze almost. His eyes slowly focus on the teacher.  
"So, what is MacBeth about? Have you read the book?" The teacher asks.  
  
"Yeah, I have." Brian had tutored him through reading it. "Its.Its about these people, MacBeth and his wife, and they like, kill their king."  
  
"And why do they kill their king?" The teacher asks, deciding to make the illiterate kid at the back of the class squirm for once.  
  
"So MacBeth can be king. Its like, they really like him but he's, in the way. But the story ends with this couple dying because, yeah, they like betrayed him."  
  
AVO "See, a month ago I would have been trying to understand the meaning behind those words. But now, I can't help wondering how long it took Brian Krakow to teach him to say that word. Betrayal."  
  
Angela leaves the class, jolting as the bell rings suddenly. Jordan watches her back disappear down the hall. He blinks and turns, walking straight into Rayanne.  
  
"Hi," She says brightly and obnoxiously. He looks down at her almost as he doesn't know her. He steps back and walks away from her. Rayanne turns and watches him leave.  
  
Angela is walking home, and she has her arms wrapped around her chest protectively.  
  
She doesn't even notice as Brian comes up behind her. He walks behind her awkwardly for a second, and then taps her shoulder.  
  
"Hey," He comments, flinging his arms out a little.  
  
"Hi," Her voice sounds harsh, and she attempts a smile. There is a pause and she bits her lip. "So, how was school? Why aren't you catching the bus?" She laughs slightly to hide her embarrassment. He goes to speak and she cuts him off again. "I never thanked you did I, for the letter?" She adds, her cheeks going a pink tinge.  
  
"No. What?" He says with a shake of the head.  
  
"I mean, it was so nice of you. For Jordan I mean, to pretend. And you're a really good writer. Like, you should do it professionally or whatever. I mean, I just wanted to say thank you."  
  
"What?" Now he said it angrily.  
  
"Like I know you had good intentions, at heart. You know?" She looks almost pleading and her hand touches his shoulder slightly when he didn't look at her. He jolted away from her touch.  
  
"What? What. What? Don't you even." He looks down at her, and his mouth flaps a couple of times as he arranges his words. "I meant those words. They weren't just made up."  
  
"What are you trying to say Brian?"  
  
"That. its.like complicated. How can you stand there and ask me to just like pour out my soul to you like I did in that stupid letter. God, Angela, sometimes your so.. Selfish." He spluttered, the wordsmith he could be in his head vanishing at the sight of her. She paused, stopping walking, turning her head around to him with confusion..  
  
"You don't, you don't feel that way about me, do you?" She says haltingly. She brushes her hair again. He stops walking.  
  
"Angela! What. Of course, I mean. Yes, how could you not. I just can't understand how you can't know that! God Angela, I spend all my time at your house, I do you homework, what.. What!" He sighs and waves his hands. "No, just forget it. Forget I mentioned it." He starts walking again. She widens her eyes and falls into pace with him again.  
  
They walk in silence. When they get to his house she says rather obviously.  
  
"Well, this is my house."  
  
"Yeah," He adds. She bites her lip again. He turns to go, but she stops him when she speaks again.  
  
"Krakow!"  
  
"What?" He says, exasperated.  
  
"You know what I first remember saying to Catillano?" He raises his eyes to the sky and murmurs.  
"What? What, Angela? Tell me." He says with sarcastic desperation. She steps a little closer to him and says.  
  
"He asked me what day it was, because it didn't feel like Friday. I told him it was Thursday." Brian shakes his head again, trying to fathom the meaning behind what she is talking about. She tilts her head to one side, and raises there hand to his cheek.  
  
"What does that even mean? How can."  
  
"Krakow, you ask so many questions." She adds, and pulls at his t-shirt, kissing him softly on the month. They kiss for a fraction of a minute. She raises her eyebrows when they stop kissing and then heads towards her door. Krakow stands on the sidewalk with his hands on either side begging her to explain.  
  
Neither notice Jordan's car, which sits two spaces down from Angela's drive way.  
  
Jordan's watches them kissing through the mirror. His eyes squint as she turns to go.  
  
JVO "Someone, maybe like Shakespeare or someone said, that you sometimes only know how important something is until it. kisses Brian Krakow."  
  
Angela enters her house. Her mother runs past her, moving quickly upstairs without even a 'hi'. Patty's face is red and splotchy. Graham follows her, and then stops, standing at the bottom of the stairs with his mouth hanging, open.  
  
"Hi," Angela finally says, and Graham just nods. He shakes his head and grabs his coat. Angela moves awkwardly away from the door. "So what's" She laughs nervously. "What's happening.? Dad?" Graham finally looks at her.  
  
"I'm going out." He says, as though it were a revelation, and does. Angela stands there mute. She jumps when her dad's head pops back through the door.  
  
"That boy. his cars out front." And then he is gone again.  
  
AVO "That boy. Jordan Catillano. I just kissed Brian Krakow, my parents are in a fight, and now I am going to go sit in Jordan Catillano's car and try not to kiss him." Angela walks to his car as she thinks this. She gets a strong sense of de-ja vous as she looks through his rolled down window.  
  
"Hi," She says, smiling.  
  
AVO "Why does his face always make me smile?" Jordan is not smiling. He looks over at her, and he frowns.  
  
"Oh, hey." And for once his voice wavers. "So, your, um." He seems to lose the thread of what he was saying. He looks over at her, and closes his eyes slightly. Angela shifts in her seat.  
  
"Why do you make me. why do you even bother if you have nothing to say to me?" She finally cries out, wrinkling her nose a little. "God." She slouches back against the seat. Jordan looks slightly flustered. He rolls his eyes.  
  
"Look, I'm not good with this."  
  
"With what? I just want you to talk to me." She nearly screams out, and Jordan looks around to see if anyone is listening. He leans towards her and talks low and fast.  
  
"I'm not good with words. Not like Brian Krakow, not like you. I can't write you words that are going to make everything okay, cause I don't see the world that way." He sighs in frustration, and for once she is listening. The words come out of him with small breaks and pauses. "See, for me, I never had to... You're like from somewhere else. Somewhere, higher. That I can't ever reach. You have all these thoughts and feelings that. I can't even describe." He shakes his head softly, as though that wasn't even enough.  
" I don't care." She whispered, and brushed his cheek with her thumb.  
  
JVO "Its so easy to kiss her. So much easier to make her understand with. kissing. To show her how like, valuable she is." They kiss slowly for a second, and then Jordan pulls away.  
  
"I saw you, kissing Krakow." She sits back, and glances over at his blank face.  
  
AVO "How can he do that, change so suddenly? One moment were kissing. the next I don't even know him."  
  
"Oh. I know." She said with a little derisive laugh, slumping back in her seat. "I mean, with Brian, its complicated that's all."  
  
"Maybe not. Maybe he's like. your intellectual equal. Or whatever." Jordan stares down at his fingernails, at the steering wheel, out the window, anywhere but at her.  
  
"What? Krakow?" She laughs quickly, but stops when he looks up, and she notices the seriousness in his eyes.  
  
"Yeah. Maybe."  
  
"What are you saying? That..."  
  
AVO "And that's when I realised it. Jordan was the one that had screwed up. and yet I felt like I was loosing out.  
  
"I don't see how this is anything compared to what you did with Rayanne Graf." She said indignantly. He shook his head. The way she said Rayanne's name, like she wasn't a person. Just the name.  
  
"Rayanne. You know, she was your friend before her and I you know, whatever." He said with a dismissive shake of the head.  
  
"Are you defending her?" Angela cried indignantly. Jordan shook his head. "So what? Is this what you want? Me to date Krakow, and you to sleaze around with every girl that will let you touch her?" He leant pulling her into a kiss again. She opened her eyes momentarily to see his were firmly closed. He sat back again.  
  
"Maybe you should go." He murmured.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Angela," JVO "It's so weird, when I actually say her name." He broke off, and she nodded. She moved to get out of the car. She leant against the rolled down window and asked.  
  
"Just tell me, what would you have said, if you had to say something. Like, if you had written the letter, what would you have said to win me back?"  
  
Jordan smiled, and looked out through the windscreen.  
  
"Your so beautiful, it hurts to look at you." He looked over at Angela and his crystal blue eyes showed her the look she had dreamt about.  
  
Angela smiled, and opened her mouth to say something, but instead just watched him look down, shake his head embarrassedly, and start the car.  
  
"See ya." And he drove off.  
  
JVO "The girl is Angela Chase. And she's changed everything about my life."  
  
* * * * * * * * Thank you! Please tell me what you think! 


End file.
